Nuclear Family by Susanna Fogel

Author:Susanna Fogel
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.

Your Sister, on Your Mom Getting Fucked With

OMG MOMS EMAIL …

I feel so bad for her. Ppl should not be takin advantage of her like that! Like she’s so smart but she can be so innocent sometimes u know?

So do u wanna be the one to teach her how to use Yelp? Sorry but I don’t have 7 hours free tomorrow bahahahaha

Your Mom Wanted to Run Her First Yelp Review by You

Hi Jules,

I got your message about having plans all day today and not being able to teach me “Yelp.com.” I guess Jane has plans all day too.

Luckily, it turns out my condo actually has an in-house website tutor … Loni! She was very happy to help me. Loni is a whiz with computers. We were joking that she should charge people in the building for her services and we came up with some hilarious names she could have for her company. I’ve forgotten what the specific names are now, but many of them made reference to the fact that Loni just dyed her hair a really striking shade of red.

Anyway, after my “lesson,” Loni had to get going to pick up her daughter Carolyn at the airport (Carolyn and her husband don’t land until 7:55, but the traffic between here and Logan has been just horrific lately due to construction in the Ted Williams Tunnel, so we figured it was better for her to be early than late). So she didn’t have time to stay while I wrote the review itself, but I told her I could handle that part on my own. I took several writing classes in fiction, nonfiction, and journalism in college and have always gotten the feedback that my writing is extremely persuasive.

Still, I’m lucky enough to have a professional writer for a daughter! I wondered if you wouldn’t mind taking a quick look at this. I know you said you were busy today, but this should just take a minute. If you’re out, don’t worry about it—you can take a look when you get home. No rush—again, I know how busy you are.

I’ll just sit here with my finger on the “Send” button until I hear from you!

Love,

Mom

(SEE BELOW FOR THE YELP REVIEW)

To: [email protected]

c/o Yelp.com

Dear Susan,

This is Barbara Feller. As you know, I am a former client who also considered you to be a friend. Then I discovered that you engaged me in our friendship under false pretenses and considered all our time together to be “on the clock.” When I first found this out, I thought about hiring a second lawyer to sue you for malpractice, then decided to take the “high road” instead rather than stoop to your level. That is something I have always made an effort to do in my personal relationships, as a psychoanalyst.

My analytic training also makes me confident that whatever caused you to behave so unethically must be very painful for you and rooted in some trauma of your own. I urge you to get professional help so you can work through that pain and not inflict those childhood wounds on any more innocent women.

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